It was a Friday night on warm summer evening. My friends, Hunter, Jan and I went on a mission; we were riding bikes to go partake in my first smoke session with a kid named Dusty. He supplied the cannabis in the form of a blunt. He was a nice kid but he was definitely slow and just seemed kinda stupid. My friend Hunter said he was a "burnout" - and that he smoked so much weed, it made him just a little slow. I saw it in his eyes, his movement and his aura. Dusty was one of the first examples I remember of someone who I really didn’t want to become.

After riding to my middle school to meet up with Dusty, we arrived at the spot, under a tunnel in a drainage ditch, which was certainly not a glorious smoke spot. We all huddled around in a circle. The air was tense with excitement, I was super nervous. “What was getting high gonna be like? Will I be able to ride my bike after this? Will I be able to get home?” I didn’t know, but from what my friends said, I knew I wanted to at least try it.

I was in my head and Hunter, being his usual self snapped me out of it and was hyping me up, “You ready to get high buddy?!?” 

Everyone was so excited and smiling as Dusty sparked the blunt. He hit it a few times. The smell was intense and immediately recognizable. He handed it to Hunter, who took a big puff, then another and immediately started coughing hard as he handed it to me. I took one big puff. It stung my nostrils. “Here we go, no turning back now!” I hit it a one more time. My mind went wild and I was automatically in a new world. I felt a slight pressure in my head and a whole lotta happiness. I couldn’t stop smiling!!

I hit it one more time before we parted ways with Dusty, which intensified both the pressure and the happiness. I’ll ever forget the amazing high I had for the next few hours. That feeling would set the tone for an aspiration to include this stuff in my life, for the rest of my life. But I couldn’t turn out like Dusty.

For some, the high can be overwhelming. But for me, it was a blissful state, I was euphoric, riding a bike felt even better than it did before. I felt a connection to my friends as we were riding along, we were cruising down that drainage ditch, all on the same vibe, one in spirit. At one point, Hunter said, “Yo Kev, stare at the street lights!” That’s when I realized my depth perception was completely altered. The street lights didn’t get any closer as I rode my bike closer to them. It was the most psychedelic journey of my life but also very enjoyable.

The wind in my hair with the freedom of a bike, every moment was joyous. My mind and soul were finally in sync, and free. I had no idea what this plant had in store for me, but I knew for a fact that this was going to be my way of life.

We rode bikes for hours, saw some other friends and the night ended peacefully. It was an amazing first experience and an introduction to a new life. I knew I felt the power of what would change the entire course of my life. I had to keep in mind though, Dusty showed me that there is a dark side to this stuff - it can take you down. As time went on, I kept him on my mind when I smoked. From what I saw with Dusty, I knew it could take away your energy. I didn’t understand how or why, but I saw it firsthand before I even used it.   

I grew up around with it and learned about cannabis first hand. I’ve used it for 20 years now and I offer a first-hand account of my journey to understand this plant as a medicine. Over that time, I’ve studied how it can fit into various lifestyles and studied how it supports broad health and wellness goals. I’ve relied on cannabis to help me get off of prescription meds and learned how to balance myself in natural ways that support my long-term health along the way. 

This is not to say it’s been a smooth journey with the ol green lady; I’ve been in some trouble with the law, been hospitalized from cannabis hyperemesis syndrome, worked in almost every corner of the cannabis industry and moved halfway across the country a total of five times to try to keep working with cannabis. My aim with this writing is to document my lessons through fun stories while also exposing the truth about how cannabis is an expansive world of new medicine.

I’ve seen and used a lot of cannabis, I never, ever thought I would see this much cannabis in my life. I’ve seen it in every different form: on legal large and small scale cannabis farms, on the streets and in laboratories, from the live plants to the isolated compounds. I now work in the industry and I am building a meaningful career along side legalization in the United States. 

One of the most valuable insights I bring is insight on what products might work for specific uses, what doesn’t work, and how much is too much. Cannabis has certainly been a hindrance for me at times, but it has massively helped me fulfill my potential in all areas of life. I’ve learned how to use it in ways I never thought I would use it; for medication to support focus, sleep, diet, exercise, meditation, and even recreational and social use. The compounds from this plant really are versatile enough for all use cases. When you use it correctly, it becomes an extremely powerful tool for health and wellness.

Life Before Ganja

My life before using cannabis is memories filled with love and laughter. I had a fantastic childhood. I was 8 years old when we took a trip to Disney World in Orlando, Florida and some interesting things changed for me after vacation, mentally. My focus was not the same. I had never experienced the warm weather, geckos, and palm trees before. At Disney, we rode the roller coasters and the days were full of excitement. But that’s not what I remember. I remember chasing geckos and looking up at a 50ft tall palm tree, and stepping outside at 9pm to 80 degree weather in pure amazement. As a kid from Colorado, I was absolutely struck by the natural beauty and the moderate climate of Florida.

We had a fantastic time, but when I got back to school in Colorado, I couldn’t mentally come back to the classroom, my head was stuck in Florida. I remember daydreaming uncontrollably, thinking about that weather, and those geckos. I was too young to understand what was happening and I couldn’t explain to anyone that I was daydreaming. I didn’t even understand that I was daydreaming, I just wanted to go back to Florida. My mind was stuck under the palm trees.

My teachers would reprimand me for staring off into space instead of doing my work. Several times per day, I would harshly be snapped back into reality. The real problem was that I was just not doing any of my school work. The teachers understandably became more and more concerned. Although they were concerned, the proper treatment for mental consultations was not as fragile as it may be now. The main course of action was suggesting medication instead of getting to the root of a child’s challenges with their mental condition.

The teachers cared, but it seemed like it was more out of maintaining their reputation. I had a cold-hearted bitch for a 3rd grade teacher. She would strut through the hallways with her arms crossed at her chest and her head down. I could read her body language even at a young age, I knew the body language of a cold-hearted bitch. She was fed up with my daydreaming and put me in a special desk with walls around it at the back of the classroom.

She had called my parents to a meeting about my behavior. She handed my parents a newspaper article about attention deficit disorder. I was confused with this concept over the next few years. I didn’t fully understand what that meant. Was there something wrong with me? What did I need to do to be like the normal kids? I was a little chubby in middle school but physically and athletically I was top 5 in my class. But I was put in, “special” classes where I would work one-on-one with teachers and do special assignments.

Internally, I felt good. I didn’t feel like anything was wrong. It was confusing and I was a little mad about it. This was the start of my rebellion toward authority and society’s norms. All that special treatment messed with my young mind. To be told I have a, “disorder” at the age of 8 was like telling me, “I know you better than you know you.”

I still feel like a bit of an outcast today. I operate a bit differently than most people. I’ve grown to understand what happened back then, and come to terms with the misunderstanding that everyone around me had. It was a result of the times; back in the early 2000s, a lot of people were being diagnosed with ADD and put on meds. I just wanted to go back on vacation but I didn’t know how to communicate that. This misunderstanding led to a massive disruption in my daily life for years to come.

The Pill

This is truly where my awareness of mental health started, along with my use of drugs. My doctor being my very first drug dealer. My parents went through all costs to avoid pharmaceuticals. We tried EEG/brainwave therapy, natural massage and other holistic herbs or diets but nothing seemed to work. 

After about a year of trials and tests, we finally resorted to “the pill,” which for me was a medication for Attention Deficit Disorder called Concerta. At first, it seemed to help. I was getting some more work done, but I still was put in special classes and received a little bit different treatment than other kids in school. I seemed to be doing better, so my parents encouraged me to keep taking it.

I called it my, “control pill” which is pretty funny, considering my perspective on  the pharmaceutical industry now. I felt that the medication controlled my deepest thought processes and I absolutely hated it. I wanted to feel like myself and think like myself, but I felt like I had to take this pill to be normal. Something just didn’t feel right about it to me.

After a while, I started to really dislike the effects. Sometimes I forgot to take it and that’s how I started to realize how much that compounds was actually changing my mind. I  tried skipping doses for fun. Without it I just felt better, more relaxed and more myself. I decided that I just didn’t like the effects of the medication, so I wasn’t going to keep taking it. 

This was all pretty scary at a young age because I didn’t fully understand what was happening. I remember being a patient, the center of attention through over 20+ doctors appointments, feeling like I’m not normal and like there was something different about me. That feeling stuck. I never really saw my mental state as a disability because I didn’t feel disabled. I just felt like a kid who wanted to go be a kid.

A Change in Medication, and Lifestyle

Cannabis and CBD products were not available and misunderstood, so cannabis wasn’t considered as a treatment. Even natural practitioners and herbalists we saw didn’t have knowledge on cannabis treatments. Everything changed when I found cannabis on my own. Knowing what I know now, I was a few years too young to use highly psychotropic cannabis. By this age, I was aware that I could take something and it would change how I feel. So I started to take things into my own hands when I found something that worked.

About a week after my first time smoking, I was offered some from someone else, this time while at school. A “homeroom” class took up my first period. We simply sit there and did our homework, so it became a regular thing to sneak out with a few classmates to toke a quick bowl. First period of the day and I was soaring! I would ride the high the rest of the day. At first, not smoking later that day but as time went on, I started to smoke again at lunch time, and after school if possible.

It was a wild experiment of mine to go to school while high. At first, I was very anxious and sweating because I didn’t want the teachers to know that I’m high. After a while though, I realized they couldn’t catch on and had no reason to question me if I just acted normal. Through this time, I learned how to contain anxiety at a very young age. It was a nerve-wracking but thrilling experience. 

This was a joyous time of exploration of a new world and of my mind as a young man. With puberty hitting simultaneously, I was changing inside and out. Social dynamics were also shifting just as quickly. Social media was also just beginning to take hold of our society. I was immersed in my own world, a world that felt independent of the one I grew up in. A different and separated place completely. 

For a while, I didn’t have any paraphernalia or cannabis on me, so if I looked suspicious, I just said I, ”have allergies”. I was actually allergic to a lot of things growing up, so it was a common thing for me to break out with red eyes or sneezing. The middle of winter in Colorado was a bad time to use that excuse, though. A few of my teachers knew I was high everyday. They either didn’t have enough proof to take action or just didn’t wanna deal with the whole situation. 

I smoked every morning for several weeks, then started buying small amounts or would split a bag with friends. By sophomore year, I was buying regularly and smoking every day and as often as I could. I had fully replaced my prescription medications - after a while I stopped taking the pill and was fully self-medicating with cannabis. 

I simply found something that worked and I started self-medicating. It liberated my mind from the classroom and allowed me to actually enjoy going to class all day. I would argue that I was often more engaged in class, especially if I enjoyed the topic.

Smoking also became an activity that took up most of our free time and a ritual for our friend group. We would usually be on the hunt for cannabis, spending time doing a multitude of things to facilitate our use: finding some form of work, a quick gig, finding some old stuff around our houses we could take to a pawn shop to get money for, driving somewhere to meet someone to get some, or driving somewhere scenic and secluded to smoke when we finally had it. It became a series of unforgettable adventures that would take me to odd corners of the city to buy or to smoke with oddball characters. It was a fantastic way to grow up, and grow up quickly.

Getting Busted

I developed a bad habit of getting caught by my parents though. They didn’t understand my cannabis habit. Neither did I, really. I knew I liked it and I knew I functioned on it pretty well. It was expensive, only affordable if I saved my lunch money. My parents got mad every time, as good parents should with a kid that age. They would put all the evidence on the table in front of me and talk about how I won’t get anywhere in life if I kept smoking this stuff. They warned me, which started to teach me that I need to respect the plant and respect what it does to my body. 

The funny thing is, all of that put a pretty big chip on my shoulder. From those moments onward, I was determined to show them and them the world that the stoner stereotype is not completely accurate. Smoking cannabis has raised my awareness about having the healthy habits. It helped me gain the mental fortitude to define my reality regardless of when I use cannabis. 

It wasn’t long before my parents realized this was a serious habit. They would reprimand me and do everything they could to stop me from getting to places I could smoke again. Through high school this would happen several times, and once I got caught at school smelling like it. I didn’t give it up, though. The benefits just outweighed the negatives so I would take a break, then go back to buying and smoking about a month later. When my body ran out of cannabinoids in 30 days, I seeked more. 

After three or four times busting me, they got tired of it. They didn’t know what to do, so they put me in an outpatient rehab program. There were weekly meetings with a bunch of other kids. Somewhere deep inside, I definitely felt like I didn’t belong there. There were some rough characters in those meetings, and no one was over 18. I had to call a phone line every morning to see if my number came up to take a randomized drug test that day. It was kinda crazy. I didn’t know what to think of it at the time but I kinda knew it was overkill. It opened my eyes to the fact that cannabis does in fact act like a drug, and needs to be treated with respect, something I’ve certainly neglected at times. After about six months I was taken out of the rehab program but kept on the drug tests. As soon as I was off the drug tests, I went back to my old ways and started smoking again. 

Back to The Routine

As time went on I would still smoke as much as I could afford. The routine was in the morning before school, mid-day at lunch time and in the evening time. By the middle of my Sophomore year, I was self medicating on a regular schedule. I felt like it was working and I naturally got into a rhythm with it. In the morning I would smoke before school go, to classes for 3-4 hours, then smoke at lunchtime with some friends. Then after school, I’d go smoke and ride bikes or play video games with friends. Then at night I’d smoke again a few hours before bed time. This sounds like a lot, but I only smoked a little at a time. It was a simple and realistic use pattern that I felt served me very well at the time.

I had a lot of friends around who also used cannabis in a similar way. Unless there was a party happening, smoking was the main activity when we got together. It became an unspoken ritual, we were all on the same page. This quickly taught us all a different angle of social dynamics - if you had the weed you would be expected to share it with the group. 

Over time it became evident who supplied and they naturally became social leaders of the group, determining when and where we gathered to consume as well as who and how many people could join in each session. It was expensive to smoke back then, so it was always a big event. The setting had to be right so as not to cause anxiety about getting caught. That just killed the buzz and essentially defeated the purpose. We first gathered in back alleyways or friend’s backyards, corners of the neighborhood. When we were old enough and got cars we took refuge in city parks or parking lots.

Regardless of location, cannabis was rather expensive so a smoke session was always an event. Following these smoke sessions were usually a mission to get some nasty fast food or gas station snacks, laughing and stumbling our way through the convenience store. Smoke sessions and spending time thereafter became a source of intimate social connection with diverse groups of people. You question each other's mental states and it makes for unforgettable moments where you get insight into the other person’s consciousness. Some friends got really paranoid and others not at all. It became a tool to quickly get to know each other as unique individuals.

Cannabis exposed me to all kinds of social situations and connections. It gave me reasons to spend time in many different scenarios with many different people. I would find myself going to buy weed in some sketchy situations. I went into neighborhoods I probably shouldn’t have been, going into ghetto houses that were not like anywhere my friends or I had ever lived. I would otherwise never have any reason to go to those places, hanging out with people who I would otherwise have nothing in common with. 

Looking back, I definitely put myself in some risky scenarios, but most of the time the fact that I was only there for cannabis and smoking brought peace among chaotic environments. No matter the scenario, if the ganja was burning, everything was cool. These experiences were amazing opportunities for me to grow because I was connecting, talking and spending time with people from many different walks of life.

The peace and connection that cannabis brought in otherwise uncomfortable situations is something that I found interesting, it was a clue for me. I knew even at a young age, I knew that this lifestyle, this plant and the people who accept the use of it are where I belong. Cannabis acted as a steward of good intention and well-being through the time spent in those ghetto houses. I was hanging out with people who I didn’t necessarily desire to be around but they were just people I was enjoying cannabis with.

On the other hand, every time I was busted by my parents or I talked to a doctor about smoking weed, I was told that I couldn’t be successful or healthy if I keep smoking. Therapists, Psychiatrists and psychologists, you name it - everyone around me kept telling me that it was not a medicine and that I would face more challenges if I continued my use. I felt cannabis was working well as a medicine from the very first time I used it. So I had to find ways to respectfully disagree with all of them and just keep using it. 

Toward the end of high school sometime after I was 18, my continued use had somewhat forced my parents to accept my cannabis smoking. After they busted me 3-4 times they got tired of it and started to silently accept my use. It was just part of my life now.

Island Time

After I graduated high school, my mom offered my brother and I jobs in Hawaii doing construction labor on a job site she was managing. It was an incredible opportunity to go live and work in paradise. My brother and I both moved there and got used to the island life, especially after finding some cannabis. We went down the street to the surfboard rental shack and found a surf instructor who sold us a little bit of cannabis. It was heaven: my brother and I scored some ganja in Hawaii and we were headed to the beach on skateboards. Life was good!

Hawaii has a reputation of being slow-moving; “island time,”. Our construction permits took a very long time for the city to approve. My brother liked Hawaii but he got tired of waiting and he didn’t jive with the island lifestyle as much as I did, so he headed back home. My mom and I were in Hawaii just waiting, so I took full advantage. By 9 am I would be listening to reggae, cruising on my skateboard about 3 miles down Ali’i drive to arrive at Magic sands beach for the morning. I would come home for lunch, take a nap, and go back to the beach around 3 pm. To buy weed I would find Marcelo, a Kona local, 70 year old blonde-dreaded bodysurfer who had never left the island. He would sell me a “fat five” - a handful of cannabis for five bucks. It was absolutely the time of my life.

The end of the summer drew near, and I knew I had the chance to return to Denver. My friends back home had been working, developing their careers, and I with only three weeks before the semester started, I decided to go to back home to attend college at Metro State University in downtown Denver. 

The change of environments shocked my mind. From the chill hawaiian island time lifestyle to the busy Denver life and in school full time. I wasI was majoring in Industrial Design and very excited about the opportunity. Little did I know, I was in for the ride of my life. This sparked a series of events that would completely change the course of both my mental wellness and almost every other aspect of my life. Turns out it was the catalyst I needed to find my true purpose with this plant. 

More to come in Chapter 2: The Shift: A Manic Episode and Reevaluating Life.